Abhorrent Family Stickers

Have you seen these little family stick figures on the back of vans and SUV's? I am sure you have. They are usually a Mommy, Daddy, a kid or two, and a pet or pets. Like this:

  

Very cute. Until recently, I thought that these little stick people represented the family in the car. What I saw the other day made me rethink this. I saw a full-size Chevy Suburban with stick figures of 2 adults, 8 children, and a dog on the rear window. This caused me to pause and try to come to grips with what that was saying. Is that a family with 8 children? They sure would like you to think that. The truth, I believe, is far more heinous. I believe these people are using an artistic technique that became popular with the fighter pilots in World War 2. See exhibit A below:

The above photo show a picture of the aircraft of Marine Corps Major Gregory "Pappy" Boyington. Pappy was one of the most famous "aces" of World War II. He was commander of the famed "Black Sheep" squadron which was immortalized in a 1970's television series. If you look closely at the photo, you will see several rows of Japanese flags painted under the cockpit of Major Boyington's plane. Each one of those flags represents an enemy aircraft that the Major shot down during combat, also known as a "kill."

This leads me to the stickers now seen on many SUV's and vans today. I believe that there is a secret underground group that are documenting their activities on their vehicles. I have come to the conclusion that these stickers do not represent the family in the automobile, but in fact are tallies of the pedestrian "kills," the driver has made. The SUV I saw with the 2 adults, 8 children, and dog, has to be the "Pappy" Boyington of killer SUV drivers. I mean 8 kids? C'mon, who are you trying to fool.

The Alpaca Buggerer.

Podcast 7-20-10

The first Alpaca Buggerer Podcast.
Fast Brits, flying donkeys, and more on this edition of The Alpaca Buggerer. But first a word from one of our fine sponsors.



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A team of British scientists and engineers has created a full-scale model for a 1000mph car they intend to use to shatter the land speed record of 763 mph set back in 1997. Some experts say they may also break the record for most horrific crash.

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Indonesia's Muslims learned on Friday they have been praying in the wrong direction

Muslims are supposed to face the holy city of Mecca in Saudi Arabia while praying, but they actually have been facing Somalia or Kenya.

The mix up came to light when a visitor from The United States was showing a local Muslim official, the compass app. on his I-Phone.

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We'll be right back after this short commercial time -out:



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Heroic mailman saves 3 lives while on the job

Keith McVey a postal worker from Akron, Ohio is hailed as a local hero. He has saved 3 lives in the last 20 years while on his route. When asked about the deeds of the mailman, an unidentified supervisor said that they would, unfortunately, have to fire the veteran mail-carrier. When asked why, the supervisor said that McVey's behaviour was doing damage to the service's long cultivated tradition of "going postal."

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Breaking News!

This just in, 3 doves arrested for planning a coup.

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Russian officials are investigating possible animal cruelty in the case of a donkey seen parasailing over a beach in Southern Russia.

An unidentified official claimed that the parasailing donkey was not a new type of stealth aircraft. He went on to say that the technology is old and had been developed for anti-aircraft cannon training.

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More news after the break.

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And now an opinion piece:

Opinion:

There is an age old question that needs to be answered. Many have tried but none have gotten the definitive answer. On one hand it has been said that "Bird" is "The Word." On the other hand, it has been claimed that "Grease" is "The Word." Now you might say, "wait a minute, I though that 'Word Up' was The Word." You would be wrong, as it is well documented that "Word Up," is actually the "Code Word" and not "The Word." But I digress. So now we have bird versus grease. Grease versus bird. How can we solve this age old conundrum? Hmmm. What if both side are correct? What if we put "The Bird," in "The Grease?" What would we get? We would get fried chicken! That's right, fired chicken. So now you know how to answer when someone asks you, "What’s the word?" You can answer with all confidence that "Fried Chicken” is, in fact, “The word.”

Yo VIP! Let's kick it!

The Tampa Bay Rays are gonna say Ice Ice Baby! The Major League Baseball team is going to have early 90's "rapper," Vanilla Ice perform after a game as part of a concert series to boost attendance.

You know your team sucks when you have to get Vanilla Ice to perform in order to try to increase attendance. Can you say scraping the bottom of the barrel? Was Snow (Video Here) not available? Was Kriss Kross (Video Here) booked solid? Was the team not able to come to terms with the perfect early 90's rap/baseball tie in, 3rd Bass (Video Here) ?

I guess the team was Under Pressure to stop, collaborate, and listen to its fans, all 950 of them. I wish the Rays good luck with their promo and hopefully it bring spark the yearned for Another Bad Creation reunion tour.

Peace out,
-The Alpaca Buggerer

Dearly beloved, we are here to mourn the Internet.

In an interview with the UK's Daily Mirror, pop music icon Prince says that he will never sell his music online, saying the Internet is no longer "hip."


"The Internet's like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated."

However, I think it is safe to ammend his statement to read, "Prince is like MTV. At one time MTV was hip and suddenly it became outdated."
 
What is his new stat-of-the-art method of music distribution? Newspaper. His new CD is to be included for free in the UK's Daily Mirror.
 
 So apparently, the Internet is dead, but newspaper is the way of the future. The purple one has now officially lost his marbles. If he wanted to be completely cutting-edge, he should just issue it on 8-track, cassette tape, or even Mini-disc. I, for one, demand it be released on wax cylinder.
 
-The Alpaca Buggerer

Promiscuous Olives Disrupt Extra Virgin Olive Oil Production

Where will Lebron go? Francophile Edition

Now that the free agent sweepstakes, free-for-all, and melee has started in the NBA, I figured that I would have to add my expert opinion on where the most talked about free agent, a certain Mr. Lebron James, will wind up playing next season.

 There are many who speculate that Lebron, which comes from the French for "the bron," will follow the money and just sign with the highest bidder. There are others who insist that Lebron, who is not from France, wants to win a championship and doesn't really care about the money as he is already making at least $40,000 per millisecond and stands to make even more, wherever he ends up.

I fall into the second camp, mainly because they have s'mores making paraphenlia. I think Monsiuer James, of not even French Canadian background, wants to win. I think that he will want to sign with a team that gives him the best chance to win. He doesn't want to be part of a rebuilding project. He will go to a proven winner. A team from a major market (No, Paris doesn't have an NBA team) where he can also get the exposure that he deserves. A team that, with Lebron on the court, will be almost a shoe-in to win. As a result of my tireless and expert analysis, I predict that Lebron James will sign with...


The Harlem Globetrotters. You heard it here first.

Adieu!
-The Alpaca Buggerer.

The Robert C. Byrd Memorial Blog Post

West Viriginia Senator Robert Byrd has died at the age of 92. He was the longest serving Senator in history. I think it would be fitting for West Virginia to memorialize him by naming a monument, building, or road after him.

From:

http://soulofthesenate.org/named.html

What's Named After Senator Byrd?
Robert C. Byrd Academic and Technology Center
Robert C. Byrd addition to the lodge at Oglebay Park, Wheeling
Byrd Aerospace Technology Center
Robert C. Byrd Bridge between Huntington and Chesapeake, Ohio
Robert C. Byrd Cancer Research Center
Robert C. Byrd Clinical Addition to the veteran's hospital in Huntington
Robert C. Byrd Community Center, Pine Grove
Robert C. Byrd Community Center in the naval station, Sugar Grove
Robert C. Byrd Drive, from Beckley to Sophia (Byrd's hometown)
Robert C. Byrd Expressway, U.S. 22 near Weirton
Robert C. Byrd Federal Building
Robert C. Byrd Federal Courthouse
Robert C. Byrd Freeway

A drive, expressway, and a freeway. That about takes care of roadways.

Robert C. Byrd Green Bank Telescope
Robert C. Byrd Hardwood Technologies Center, near Princeton
Robert C. Byrd Health Sciences Center of West Virginia
Robert C. Byrd High school in Bridgeport
Robert C. Byrd Highway

Seriously? I forgot about the highway.

Robert C. Byrd Hilltop Office Complex, Mineral County
Robert C. Byrd Honors Scholarships
Robert C. Byrd Industrial Park, Hardy County
Robert C. Byrd Institute in Charleston
Robert C. Byrd Institute for Advanced Flexible Manufacturing
Robert C. Byrd Library and Robert C. Byrd Learning Resource Center
Robert C. Byrd Life Long Learning Center
Robert C. Byrd Locks and Dam

Damn! are we there yet?

Robert C. Byrd National Technology Transfer Center
Robert C. Byrd Rural Health Center
Robert C. Byrd Scholastic Recognition Award
Byrd Science Center, Shepherd University
Robert C. Byrd Technology Center at Alderson-Broaddus College
Robert C. Byrd United Technical Center
Robert C. Byrd Visitor Center at Harpers Ferry National Historic Park

I don't see any bodies of water listed so maybe a river or lake could be named after him. Maybe a Boulevard or Avenue? How about the Robert C. Byrd memorial Cul-De-Sac? Shit, just rename the state of West Viriginia after him and be done with it. It will get the state out from under the shadow of its namesake to the East. As for me, I will just name this post after him.

-The Alpaca Buggerer