Thursday, February 25, 2010

Rise of the Nondependents

     Let me start off by apologizing for political content. I will try to keep this blog as a light-hearted page, but occasionally I will delve into the evil underworld of politics. If you could care less, then just skip this one. There, you have been warned. If you are still with me then... well you'll see.

     This past year has seen the birth of a true grass-roots movement that has influenced elections, legislation, and even caused a supermajority in congress to fail to live up to it's potential. Of course, I am talking about the Tea Party movement, or Tea Baggers, if you disagree with them.

The problem is their name. It was a good idea at first because it brought about the images of the Boston Tea Party and a fed-up populace displaying rage against the uncaring, distant leaders. The left, fully supported by the media, soon turned the name into a joke by renaming them tea-baggers. Tea-baggers, to the uninitiated, is a term for a sexual act involving a part of a man's anatomy and a mouth. By design, this was not a flattering description for the new movement.

I propose a new name that also is descriptive and gets down to the core ideals that the Tea Party was founded on. The Tea Party is an independent movement, not affiliated with any political party. However using a word like independent is loaded, as it is a catch-all for anyone who doesn't consider themselves a Republican or Democrat. It could be a die-hard Communist or a Nazi, or a Naderite, or a Libertarian, or a moderate. It doesn't really describe who they are.

The word I propose is nondependent. It is the opposite of dependent. It describes someone who does not want the state "taking care of them." They don't want government doing "the people's business." Shouldn't the government be doing the government's business, which is let the people do "the people's business?" I plan on using this new term right away. Let me be the first to call my self a nondependent.

The Alpaca Buggerer

Ban the Killer Okra!

Okra Growers Claim Backlash Unfair

Friday, February 19, 2010

I got a sneak peek at Tiger's statement. In it he claims the women seduced him. Great, just what we need. Another person blaming bush.
The Alpaca Buggerer

Saturday, February 13, 2010

The Opening Ceremonies, eh.

Ah, the Winter Olympics. The premier sporting event for many an athelete. It is the one time, every four years, many sports get to be seen by more than the competitors, their families, and a few die hard fans. From Biathalon to Curling to Luge to Ski-jumping, the crowning moment in many an obscure, unknown, or unheard-of athlete's carreer is the Olympic Winter Games. As the kick-off to the competitions that will soon follow, the opening ceremonies are supposed to be a grand celebration of sport, goodwill, and the host counrty's culture.

So how did those hosers up north do? Overal,l I give them a B+. With the unrealistically high bar, and mutli-hundred million dollar budget, set by the Chinese two years ago, the Canadian contingent had their work cut out for them. With just a budget of 30 million to accomplish the task, the team, led by Executive Producer of Ceremonies David Atkins, did an oustanding job. Below are the highlights and lowlights.

What I didn't like:
Can we get someone to sing a natioanl anthem that is not trying to make a career out of it? C'mon! That was probably twice aaaaaassssss loooooooong aaaaassssss iiiiiiiitttttttt neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeded to beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

I hope Bryan Adams didn't spend more than 5 minutes writing that turd of a song. It was such a cheesy,  cliche' ridden pile of vomit that it should have been taken out back and shot.

Since when are they called "First Nations?" Is that just a Canadian thing or are we to expect that term to make its way down here? I am fine with aboriginal people or culture or nation. I know Injuns' is out of favor, but do we really need another term, when there are several already?

If the ceremonies are supposed to show some of the host country's culture, then where was the hockey and beer? I am pretty sure there are more people drinking beer and watching a hockey game than there are dancing around a tribal drum at any particular time up there.

I know it is not officially part of the ceremonies. but what was the matter with the original "We are the World?" I didn't even recognize more than a third of the people in the video. Unlike the original, from what I could see, there were no Rock or Country artists invited. Apparently the world is just pop and hip hop. Oh and Jeff Bridges. WTF?  YOU KIDS GET OFF MY LAWN!

The "cauldron" for the Olymipc Flame needed some viagra, apparently. So much for Canadian style health care.

Can we just get rid of all of the female opera singers? I am going to submit the pet psychologist bill for my dogs therapy to the Canadian Olympic Committee.

What I liked:
The use of projectors was brilliant! When the whales swam by was very cool, made even more realistic with the water spouts shooting up from them.

In a related topic to the projectors, I really liked using the crowd of atheletes as human screens through the use of what were, effectively, white Snuggies.

K.D. Lang kicks my ass every time I hear her sing! She has one of the most beautiful voices ever.

Did I mention the projectors? Oh yeah, very cool.

The limp columned "cauldron" for the Flame was pretty cool even if it had performance anxiety.

How could you not like "The Great One," carrying the torch? It would have been cool to have him, on ice, skating the flame, but what can you do? I wonder if his wife had money on him to trip or not?

Overall, the ceremony was well done and had some really great moments. Hopefully, the Olympics themselves will live up to them. Oh, and one question, if those people carrying the Canadian flag were the Mountees, where were the Mounters?

The Alpaca Buggerer.

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Illinois Tremor Journal Entry Day 3

 A long night last night. My child was caughing from the dust caused by all of the rubble. We are getting low on food and are going to have to find something to eat soon. The dogs are starting to look at us weird. I think they know, when push comes to shove, who is higher on the food chain.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Great Illinois Earthquake- Day2

Illinois Tremor- Day2. I am now writing in my journal in the daytime as we need to conserve the butane in the lighter. Still no sign of FEMA. The zombies were kept at bay by the dogs last night. The shanty that I constructed is not holding up. The wood that I looted from Home Depot seems to be actually cheap, thin wood... panelling. I don't think it will withstand another night or any aftershocks that may come. I heard an aircraft fly over last night. It sounded large, so it may have been aid shipments coming in to the airport. I had heard that the airport is still intact. We may have to head there and evacuate if help doesn't come. One of the dogs smells like she just evacuated right next to me. I need to find fresh air.

The Great Illinois Earthquake

I am going to keep a journal so maybe those who find us will understand what happened. Day-1 Over 16 hours since the 'quake. No sign of rescue. Luckily, I have secured shelter for my family. I sit here in the dark, with only the light from a butane lighter to illuminate my chronicle of events. 3/4 of a bottle of water ...left by my side. Things look bleak... ALRIGHT, WHO IS TEXTING ME!?!

My parodies

I have always loved parody, almost as much as puns. I drive around 75,000 miles per year, hich gives me a a great deal of time to come up with stupid ideas. With the advent of digital recording technology I can now, put to audio, the various parodies that keep running around my head.

On the right side of the page is a player with my first 3 projects. 2 of them are hunting show parodies that shows how suicide bombers hunt (can they only do it once?) and the other is what happens when you take a gang member hunting (the Glock is a poor hunting weapon). I am sure I will expand this series in the future.

The other is a parody of the British Parliment. It started when one of my friends posted that he wanted Mondays banned on his Facebook page. The script that you hear is what I rambled back to him right off the top of my head. I put it in a British Parliment setting for a little added fun.

The Alpaca Buggerer

Another blog? Great, just what we need!

Just what the world needs, another frickin blog! Yeah, I know what you are thinking. You don't want another blog. This is the last thing we need, another self-important idiot, with more to say than what anyone cares to hear about. You would be right. I am not doing this for you. I could care less who you are or what you think. I am doing this for me. Go ahead, call me selfish. I dare you, do it. I am selfish. Whoopdie-doo. You are too. I am just honest enough with myself to admit it.

Why then, you ask, am I blogging? I don't know. Really. I have always enjoyed writing to a certain extent and need a creative outlet or I will go nuts. Why "The Alpaca Buggerer?" Alpacas are funny. To bugger an alpaca is even funnier. The first time I saw an ad on TV talking about "the alpaca lifestyle," I almost wet myself. These people talking about "loving," their alpacas in almost a cult-like state was golden.

I plan on updating this whenever I feel like it. It may be daily. weekly, monthly, or never. It all depends on when I get pissed off, bored, or inspiration strikes me. I will warn you in advance that what I post needs to be taken with a grain of salt as I may be up to 100% full of BS. So if you are ever offended by anything that I post, you have only yourself to blame as I warned you. There will be political content, humor (hopefully lots of humor or humour if you are from Great Britain), ranting about pop-culture and sports, and any other thing that strikes my fancy. So without further ado, if you are still here, welcome.

The Alpaca Buggerer