West Viriginia Senator Robert Byrd has died at the age of 92. He was the longest serving Senator in history. I think it would be fitting for West Virginia to memorialize him by naming a monument, building, or road after him.
From:
http://soulofthesenate.org/named.html
What's Named After Senator Byrd?
Robert C. Byrd Academic and Technology Center
Robert C. Byrd addition to the lodge at Oglebay Park, Wheeling
Byrd Aerospace Technology Center
Robert C. Byrd Bridge between Huntington and Chesapeake, Ohio
Robert C. Byrd Cancer Research Center
Robert C. Byrd Clinical Addition to the veteran's hospital in Huntington
Robert C. Byrd Community Center, Pine Grove
Robert C. Byrd Community Center in the naval station, Sugar Grove
Robert C. Byrd Drive, from Beckley to Sophia (Byrd's hometown)
Robert C. Byrd Expressway, U.S. 22 near Weirton
Robert C. Byrd Federal Building
Robert C. Byrd Federal Courthouse
Robert C. Byrd Freeway
A drive, expressway, and a freeway. That about takes care of roadways.
Robert C. Byrd Green Bank Telescope
Robert C. Byrd Hardwood Technologies Center, near Princeton
Robert C. Byrd Health Sciences Center of West Virginia
Robert C. Byrd High school in Bridgeport
Robert C. Byrd Highway
Seriously? I forgot about the highway.
Robert C. Byrd Hilltop Office Complex, Mineral County
Robert C. Byrd Honors Scholarships
Robert C. Byrd Industrial Park, Hardy County
Robert C. Byrd Institute in Charleston
Robert C. Byrd Institute for Advanced Flexible Manufacturing
Robert C. Byrd Library and Robert C. Byrd Learning Resource Center
Robert C. Byrd Life Long Learning Center
Robert C. Byrd Locks and Dam
Damn! are we there yet?
Robert C. Byrd National Technology Transfer Center
Robert C. Byrd Rural Health Center
Robert C. Byrd Scholastic Recognition Award
Byrd Science Center, Shepherd University
Robert C. Byrd Technology Center at Alderson-Broaddus College
Robert C. Byrd United Technical Center
Robert C. Byrd Visitor Center at Harpers Ferry National Historic Park
I don't see any bodies of water listed so maybe a river or lake could be named after him. Maybe a Boulevard or Avenue? How about the Robert C. Byrd memorial Cul-De-Sac? Shit, just rename the state of West Viriginia after him and be done with it. It will get the state out from under the shadow of its namesake to the East. As for me, I will just name this post after him.
-The Alpaca Buggerer
Monday, June 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Naughty Nursery Rhyme?
Like many parents, when my son was just a baby, I would read him nursery rhymes. We had a book full of them that we would choose from. There was one in there that I had never heard before. It is called, "I Love Little Pussy." Have you heard of this? I had to look it up and found that it dated from the 1830's. It is in fact a legitimate nursery rhyme. Who came up with this? If you have read it, you know that it sounds dirty. If you haven't, here it is.
I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her,
She'll do me no harm.
So I'll not pull her tail,
nor drive her away,
But pussy and I,
Very gently will play.
I'll sit by the fire
and give her some food
and Pussy will love me
because I am good.
Obviously this is from an older generation. Talking about pussy's warm coat. Of course they didn't have modern grooming techniques (Brazilian wax jobs) back then. So pussy was a little furry. I think the moral of this nursery rhyme is to treat your pussy nice. Don't abuse it, be gentle, and you will enjoy your pussy's company for many years.
I love little pussy,
Her coat is so warm,
And if I don't hurt her,
She'll do me no harm.
So I'll not pull her tail,
nor drive her away,
But pussy and I,
Very gently will play.
I'll sit by the fire
and give her some food
and Pussy will love me
because I am good.
Obviously this is from an older generation. Talking about pussy's warm coat. Of course they didn't have modern grooming techniques (Brazilian wax jobs) back then. So pussy was a little furry. I think the moral of this nursery rhyme is to treat your pussy nice. Don't abuse it, be gentle, and you will enjoy your pussy's company for many years.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
The Modern Public Restroom
Back in the day, science fiction books, movies, and TV shows would provide visions of the future. They predicted wonderful things such as flying cars, teleportation, and time travel. They were wrong. They didn’t show the one area of life that has become a futuristic, automated wonder. They missed the restroom. Look at the modern public restroom. Everything is automatic. Auto-flush toilets, automatic faucets, and even automatic dryers for your hands. If the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey was to be accurate, HAL should have been a computer bathroom attendant. "What are you doing Dave? Leaving without washing your hands? This is highly irregular." "Open the bathroom door HAL!"
The problem with the modern public restroom is that these fantastic devices don't always work as intended. Take the auto-flush toilet. They seem to want to flush while you are still sitting on them. Of course, they can't be a normal toilet; they have to have a nitro-methane, jet assist flushing mechanism. So when they do trigger while you are still making a deposit, you feel like you are going to be sucked into the municipal sewer system. Luckily, you are sitting where it doesn't matter that the volume of the flush would have made you soil your pants.
The automatic faucet is another modern restroom "convenience," that can cause momentary bits of rage. In theory, they provide a steady stream of water while your hands are underneath them. In practice, they are designed to test the sanity of even the most stable person. You step to the sink, wave your hands under the faucet, and whoosh, the water starts. You soap up and rinse. Whoosh, the water is still going. You turn to dry your hands. Whoosh, the water is still going. You walk out of the restroom. Whoosh, the water is still going. Who can't feel guilty about wasting this precious resource? This can make one regret washing one's hands. At the other end of the spectrum is the miserly faucet. These are even more evil than their brethren. You wave your hands under the faucet and are rewarded with what can only be described as a spritz of water. It isn't even long enough to get a finger wet. So you have to keep waving your hands under the faucet, getting them wet one drop at a time. Occasionally, these faucets go one step further in their quest to destroy mankind, through psychological warfare.
There are a certain number of faucets that like to play a game of cat and mouse. You wave your hands under them and nothing happens. A second, maybe two, later the spritz of water shoots out. Now here is where the game gets potentially deadly. The spritz only lasts long enough for you to get your hands close to the faucet. As soon as your hands cross the plane of the water's stream, the faucet cuts off. And so it starts. You wave, spritz, Damn! Just for giggles, the faucet will occasionally not do anything when you swipe your hands through its detection beam. You now have to find the "sweet spot," of the faucet. Now this "sweet spot," is the proverbial needle in a haystack. You are standing there, waving your hands violently around the faucet, looking like a fool to those who enter the restroom. This is the goal of the evil faucet. Public humiliation.
Now that you have given up on washing your hands, you need to dry the 3 drops of water that mistakenly found their way to your hands. You step to one of two drying implements. The automatic air dryer or the automatic towel dispenser. We will deal with the air dryer first. The automatic hand air dryer works on a simple premise. It uses forced, sometimes heated air, to blow-dry your hands. They create less waste than paper towels and don't rely on the cold blooded murder of innocent, peace loving, tax-paying trees. Air dryers fall into one of two categories, the emphysemic variety and what I like to call the Katrina models. The emphysemic dryers provide a gentle breeze to lovingly whisk the dew away from your precious hands. THEY DON'T WORK! You would get them dry faster if you blew on them yourself or just waved your arms around in a circle. On the other end of the spectrum is the model made from recycled engines from the Concorde. These dryers produce a gale of such velocity that they will rip the skin right off of your hands along with the water. These dryers work too well. As a side-effect, they are so loud that they will make you deaf within 4 seconds of use. I recommend ear protection.
The other option for drying your hands is the automatic paper towel dispenser. Here you will encounter some of the same problem as other automatic restroom implements. Like the evil faucets, automatic towel dispensers, can have the dreaded "sweet spot." You have to wave your hands under them several times to get a towel. Sometimes, the manufacturer has programmed a delay into the sensor so that you have to wait a few seconds before it will dispense another towel. This allows you to look like a buffoon while waving your hands around the dispenser. When it finally decides to give you a towel, you will be overjoyed to receive a total of 3 square millimeters of paper towel. Once you have dried one of your fingernails, you will require another towel. And so begins again the wild waving of hands, as the delay timer has not yet reached zero.
Even though automatic features are very prevalent in today's society, you will occasionally come upon a restroom that doesn't have some or any of the modern automatic features we have been talking about. You will, however, not realize this until it is too late. The makers of these devices have styled some non-automatic products to look very much like the automatic counterparts. This is especially true of the paper towel dispensers. Many a fool has been made by wildly waving his or her hands around an innocent, unintelligent, old school paper towel dispenser. You know the kind, where you have to pull the paper out. There is no tell tale lever or other mechanism to let you know that you are dealing with a, gasp, manual unit. So you find yourself waving at this thing like a maniac for several seconds. Just long enough for someone else to enter. The damage has been done. You can tell by the looks that you get, that they are wondering where your guardian might be.
One can only speculate at what the future holds for the public restroom. There is only so much more that can be automated. Might we have auto-wiping toilets? How will they know when you are done? Will they wipe at inappropriate times like the auto-flush? How will they know if you are male or female? And is there a medical hazard from all of these lasers being aimed at our genitals? Will there be auto-shaking urinals? How will they work, a robot hand? Will the robot hand be warmed? Will it compensate for “size?” What if it malfunctions? Will it rip the member right off? Will the future be populated by a number of “restroom eunuchs?” No one knows what the future will bring, but we can only hope that these machines will never become self-aware and consciously plot our destruction. Now if HAL would only open the damn door…
The problem with the modern public restroom is that these fantastic devices don't always work as intended. Take the auto-flush toilet. They seem to want to flush while you are still sitting on them. Of course, they can't be a normal toilet; they have to have a nitro-methane, jet assist flushing mechanism. So when they do trigger while you are still making a deposit, you feel like you are going to be sucked into the municipal sewer system. Luckily, you are sitting where it doesn't matter that the volume of the flush would have made you soil your pants.
The automatic faucet is another modern restroom "convenience," that can cause momentary bits of rage. In theory, they provide a steady stream of water while your hands are underneath them. In practice, they are designed to test the sanity of even the most stable person. You step to the sink, wave your hands under the faucet, and whoosh, the water starts. You soap up and rinse. Whoosh, the water is still going. You turn to dry your hands. Whoosh, the water is still going. You walk out of the restroom. Whoosh, the water is still going. Who can't feel guilty about wasting this precious resource? This can make one regret washing one's hands. At the other end of the spectrum is the miserly faucet. These are even more evil than their brethren. You wave your hands under the faucet and are rewarded with what can only be described as a spritz of water. It isn't even long enough to get a finger wet. So you have to keep waving your hands under the faucet, getting them wet one drop at a time. Occasionally, these faucets go one step further in their quest to destroy mankind, through psychological warfare.
There are a certain number of faucets that like to play a game of cat and mouse. You wave your hands under them and nothing happens. A second, maybe two, later the spritz of water shoots out. Now here is where the game gets potentially deadly. The spritz only lasts long enough for you to get your hands close to the faucet. As soon as your hands cross the plane of the water's stream, the faucet cuts off. And so it starts. You wave, spritz, Damn! Just for giggles, the faucet will occasionally not do anything when you swipe your hands through its detection beam. You now have to find the "sweet spot," of the faucet. Now this "sweet spot," is the proverbial needle in a haystack. You are standing there, waving your hands violently around the faucet, looking like a fool to those who enter the restroom. This is the goal of the evil faucet. Public humiliation.
Now that you have given up on washing your hands, you need to dry the 3 drops of water that mistakenly found their way to your hands. You step to one of two drying implements. The automatic air dryer or the automatic towel dispenser. We will deal with the air dryer first. The automatic hand air dryer works on a simple premise. It uses forced, sometimes heated air, to blow-dry your hands. They create less waste than paper towels and don't rely on the cold blooded murder of innocent, peace loving, tax-paying trees. Air dryers fall into one of two categories, the emphysemic variety and what I like to call the Katrina models. The emphysemic dryers provide a gentle breeze to lovingly whisk the dew away from your precious hands. THEY DON'T WORK! You would get them dry faster if you blew on them yourself or just waved your arms around in a circle. On the other end of the spectrum is the model made from recycled engines from the Concorde. These dryers produce a gale of such velocity that they will rip the skin right off of your hands along with the water. These dryers work too well. As a side-effect, they are so loud that they will make you deaf within 4 seconds of use. I recommend ear protection.
The other option for drying your hands is the automatic paper towel dispenser. Here you will encounter some of the same problem as other automatic restroom implements. Like the evil faucets, automatic towel dispensers, can have the dreaded "sweet spot." You have to wave your hands under them several times to get a towel. Sometimes, the manufacturer has programmed a delay into the sensor so that you have to wait a few seconds before it will dispense another towel. This allows you to look like a buffoon while waving your hands around the dispenser. When it finally decides to give you a towel, you will be overjoyed to receive a total of 3 square millimeters of paper towel. Once you have dried one of your fingernails, you will require another towel. And so begins again the wild waving of hands, as the delay timer has not yet reached zero.
Even though automatic features are very prevalent in today's society, you will occasionally come upon a restroom that doesn't have some or any of the modern automatic features we have been talking about. You will, however, not realize this until it is too late. The makers of these devices have styled some non-automatic products to look very much like the automatic counterparts. This is especially true of the paper towel dispensers. Many a fool has been made by wildly waving his or her hands around an innocent, unintelligent, old school paper towel dispenser. You know the kind, where you have to pull the paper out. There is no tell tale lever or other mechanism to let you know that you are dealing with a, gasp, manual unit. So you find yourself waving at this thing like a maniac for several seconds. Just long enough for someone else to enter. The damage has been done. You can tell by the looks that you get, that they are wondering where your guardian might be.
One can only speculate at what the future holds for the public restroom. There is only so much more that can be automated. Might we have auto-wiping toilets? How will they know when you are done? Will they wipe at inappropriate times like the auto-flush? How will they know if you are male or female? And is there a medical hazard from all of these lasers being aimed at our genitals? Will there be auto-shaking urinals? How will they work, a robot hand? Will the robot hand be warmed? Will it compensate for “size?” What if it malfunctions? Will it rip the member right off? Will the future be populated by a number of “restroom eunuchs?” No one knows what the future will bring, but we can only hope that these machines will never become self-aware and consciously plot our destruction. Now if HAL would only open the damn door…
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Monday, March 22, 2010
President Obama: "This is what change looks like." No, Mr. President, that is buttsex.
Way to go Congress! Way to pass a law that purposely destroys an industry! I set the over/under on single-payer, government run health care at 10 years. I'll take the under. Any takers? Let's look at some facts from this AP news report:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100320/ap_on_bi_ge/us_health_overhaul_glance
businesse...s are not required to offer coverage. They will be assessed a fee of $2000 per employee if they don't offer insurance. The basic math says that is less than what an employer pays for an average health plan for an employee. That means that financially, it would be dumb for a company to offer it's employees insurance.
So, now that your employer has dropped insurance, what do you do? You complain to your congresscritter. You join the now 200 million uninsured, due to the laws, "unintended consequences." The insurance companies have stopped providing health plans because they are a money loser. Congress now HAS TO ACT! The only answer is single-payer, government run health care because the "evil insurance companies and corporations that have no regard for the well being of the American people."
Once you have single-payer government health care, anything that you enjoy, that might harm you is fair game. Bacon? Taxed to high-heaven or gone. Anything with sugar in it, taxed or gone. "Risky," behaviors such as motorcycles, mountain climbing, skydiving, surfing are regulated or outright banned because they increase health care costs. You also need to prepare for long waits for care and don't think that just because it is government run that you will actually get care. Medicare and Medicaid deny claims for care all of the time. As the costs go up, things will have to be rationed as there just isn't the money.
I'd like to give a big attaboy to Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson. His being bribed with the "Cornhusker Kickback," delivered the deciding vote in the senate for the health care bill. Only to say that he Now, his bribe is going to be removed from the bill. Way to go! The only reason the bill passed the Senate in the first place is going to be removed.
So, way to go congress.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100320/ap_on_bi_ge/us_health_overhaul_glance
businesse...s are not required to offer coverage. They will be assessed a fee of $2000 per employee if they don't offer insurance. The basic math says that is less than what an employer pays for an average health plan for an employee. That means that financially, it would be dumb for a company to offer it's employees insurance.
So, now that your employer has dropped insurance, what do you do? You complain to your congresscritter. You join the now 200 million uninsured, due to the laws, "unintended consequences." The insurance companies have stopped providing health plans because they are a money loser. Congress now HAS TO ACT! The only answer is single-payer, government run health care because the "evil insurance companies and corporations that have no regard for the well being of the American people."
Once you have single-payer government health care, anything that you enjoy, that might harm you is fair game. Bacon? Taxed to high-heaven or gone. Anything with sugar in it, taxed or gone. "Risky," behaviors such as motorcycles, mountain climbing, skydiving, surfing are regulated or outright banned because they increase health care costs. You also need to prepare for long waits for care and don't think that just because it is government run that you will actually get care. Medicare and Medicaid deny claims for care all of the time. As the costs go up, things will have to be rationed as there just isn't the money.
I'd like to give a big attaboy to Nebraska Senator Ben Nelson. His being bribed with the "Cornhusker Kickback," delivered the deciding vote in the senate for the health care bill. Only to say that he Now, his bribe is going to be removed from the bill. Way to go! The only reason the bill passed the Senate in the first place is going to be removed.
So, way to go congress.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Jason's Census Tips
Note: I am not an official with the Census Bureau. The answers contained below may or may not be correct. Please consult your lawyer before filling out your census form.
Jason's Census Tip #1.
Question: According to the instructions on the form you must, "Count all people, INCLUDING BABIES, who live AND sleep here MOST OF THE TIME." I have a baby who lives here, but he/she seems to hardly sleep. Do I still count him/her?
Answer: That depends. You need to measure how much the baby sleeps on the night of April 1st. If it is over 50%, then the baby is counted. If the baby sleeps less than 50%, then you have an undocumented child and will be hearing from the proper authorities. I suggest Benadryl.
Jason's Census Tip #2.
Question: The instructions state, "Do not count anyone living in a nursing home, jail, prison, detention facility, etc., on April 1, 2010." What is their definition of prison? Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in my own hellish prison at home. Should I not count myself?
Answer: Even though the census form doesn't make an explicit definition of what constitutes a "prison," you can be safe to assume that they mean an actual penitentiary. You should count yourself, unless, of course, you are losing sleep over the definition of prison on April 1st.
Jason's Census Tip #3.
Question: The forms states, "If someone who has no permanent place to stay is staying here on April 1, 2010, count that person. Otherwise, he or she may be missed in the census." By tradition, my family has hosted a randomly chosen urban outdoorsman from March 1st to April 2nd. Since he will be leaving right after the census date, should we count him?
Answer: That depends. The instructions clearly state that you should count those who don't have a permanent palce to stay who are living with you. However, you need to determine how well he is sleeping on the night of the 1st. If he sleeps like a baby (unless it is the baby that is NOT sleeping, then this analogy doesn't work) you should count him. If he stays up all night drinking Mad Dog, leering at your teenaged daughter, and playing X-box, then you do not count him and wait for him to be deported to Guatemala.
Jason's Census Tip #4.
Question: "Question number 3 on the form asks, "Is this house, apartment, or mobile home-" and then there is a place to mark if it is owned with a mortgage, owned outright, rented, or occupied without rent. My question is, I am living in a tent in a shanty town, how do I answer this?"
Answer: OK, this one is easy. Since you are not paying rent or a mortgage, you should select the box for occupied without payment of rent. This selection also pertains to abandond crack houses and any property claimed under "squatters rights."
Follow-up Question: I thought that we didn't have to answer this question. Isn't the only question that requires and answer the one about how many people sleep there long enough to be counted as living there? What if your husband is Bill Clinton? How do you count where he sleeps?
Answer: Since I don't live with, nor am I married to Bill Clinton, I am not planning on answering about where he sleeps. However, He may end up at our place on April 1st. That is why it is important to wait to fill out the census. Of course, how well he sleeps when he is here will determine that answer also.
Jason's Census Tip #5.
Question: The form asks for your age and then your date of birth. Wouldn't just one of those be required? I mean, can't they just get your age from your date of birth?
Answer: What are you, a smart-aleck? It is obviously to catch those of you who lie about your age. There are people who have been 29 for so many years that they now believe it.
Jason's Census Tip #6.
Question: Oh wise Census Guy: Question #10 asks: Does Person 1 sometimes live or stay somewhere else? Well sometimes he stays in a hotel/motel when he travels. Do we still count him?
Answer: Great question and one that pertains to your very own Census Guy. Since the person lives primarily at the residence, then yes, you should count that person. But, also make sure to check the box under question 10, "For another Reason." This would include those who travel regularly and those who sometimes live in vans down by the river. OF course, this all depends on how well the person slept on the night of the 1st. See previous Tips for more information.
Jason's Census Tip #7.
Question: Census guy. I'm a musician. I live out of the back of my van. Will I be getting a census form on my windshield, or should I make sure to get counted in the club I'm playing at on the first?
Answer: Good question. Since the club is not a residence, they will not receive a census form. What you need to do is find a home to crash in for that night and have them count you. Make sure that they also mark Question 10 yes and select that "this person sometimes lives somewhere else." This selection covers those with a mobile living arrangement such as a van down by the river.
Follow-up Question: Nice catch on question 10. "Does Person 1 sometimes live or stay". Would this be applicable for the Illinois' governor's mansion as well?
Answer: The Governor's business in none of your business. Now, would you like to be deported?
Jason's Census Tip #8
Question: Census Guy: Q 6 regards a person's sex. Will hermaphrodites be able to sue the Census for lack of representation? Only options are M and F.
Answer: This is a sticky subject for the Census Bureau. The forms says to only check ONE box, male or female. A hermaphrodite would have to check both, but that choice is not available. After much research, it was found that hermaphrodites don't usually sleep well, so they will not actually be counted in the census and will be deported to Gibraltar. See previous Tips for discussion on the issue of sleep and the census.
Jason's Census tip #9
Question: What if there are more than 12 people sleeping at this residence on April 1st?
Answer: Please refer to the Spanish Language form for details.
Jason's Census Tip #10
Question: One more question Census Guy. I just asked my husband if we had received our Census form. He replied in the affirmative and then went on to tell me that he had already sent it in. Will we be prosecuted?
Answer: It depends on what he answered and how you sleep the night of the 1st. Also, try not to get arrested before then. Unless, of course, he answered in a way that anticipated the arrest.
Jason's Census Tip #1.
Question: According to the instructions on the form you must, "Count all people, INCLUDING BABIES, who live AND sleep here MOST OF THE TIME." I have a baby who lives here, but he/she seems to hardly sleep. Do I still count him/her?
Answer: That depends. You need to measure how much the baby sleeps on the night of April 1st. If it is over 50%, then the baby is counted. If the baby sleeps less than 50%, then you have an undocumented child and will be hearing from the proper authorities. I suggest Benadryl.
Jason's Census Tip #2.
Question: The instructions state, "Do not count anyone living in a nursing home, jail, prison, detention facility, etc., on April 1, 2010." What is their definition of prison? Sometimes I feel like I am trapped in my own hellish prison at home. Should I not count myself?
Answer: Even though the census form doesn't make an explicit definition of what constitutes a "prison," you can be safe to assume that they mean an actual penitentiary. You should count yourself, unless, of course, you are losing sleep over the definition of prison on April 1st.
Jason's Census Tip #3.
Question: The forms states, "If someone who has no permanent place to stay is staying here on April 1, 2010, count that person. Otherwise, he or she may be missed in the census." By tradition, my family has hosted a randomly chosen urban outdoorsman from March 1st to April 2nd. Since he will be leaving right after the census date, should we count him?
Answer: That depends. The instructions clearly state that you should count those who don't have a permanent palce to stay who are living with you. However, you need to determine how well he is sleeping on the night of the 1st. If he sleeps like a baby (unless it is the baby that is NOT sleeping, then this analogy doesn't work) you should count him. If he stays up all night drinking Mad Dog, leering at your teenaged daughter, and playing X-box, then you do not count him and wait for him to be deported to Guatemala.
Jason's Census Tip #4.
Question: "Question number 3 on the form asks, "Is this house, apartment, or mobile home-" and then there is a place to mark if it is owned with a mortgage, owned outright, rented, or occupied without rent. My question is, I am living in a tent in a shanty town, how do I answer this?"
Answer: OK, this one is easy. Since you are not paying rent or a mortgage, you should select the box for occupied without payment of rent. This selection also pertains to abandond crack houses and any property claimed under "squatters rights."
Follow-up Question: I thought that we didn't have to answer this question. Isn't the only question that requires and answer the one about how many people sleep there long enough to be counted as living there? What if your husband is Bill Clinton? How do you count where he sleeps?
Answer: Since I don't live with, nor am I married to Bill Clinton, I am not planning on answering about where he sleeps. However, He may end up at our place on April 1st. That is why it is important to wait to fill out the census. Of course, how well he sleeps when he is here will determine that answer also.
Jason's Census Tip #5.
Question: The form asks for your age and then your date of birth. Wouldn't just one of those be required? I mean, can't they just get your age from your date of birth?
Answer: What are you, a smart-aleck? It is obviously to catch those of you who lie about your age. There are people who have been 29 for so many years that they now believe it.
Jason's Census Tip #6.
Question: Oh wise Census Guy: Question #10 asks: Does Person 1 sometimes live or stay somewhere else? Well sometimes he stays in a hotel/motel when he travels. Do we still count him?
Answer: Great question and one that pertains to your very own Census Guy. Since the person lives primarily at the residence, then yes, you should count that person. But, also make sure to check the box under question 10, "For another Reason." This would include those who travel regularly and those who sometimes live in vans down by the river. OF course, this all depends on how well the person slept on the night of the 1st. See previous Tips for more information.
Jason's Census Tip #7.
Question: Census guy. I'm a musician. I live out of the back of my van. Will I be getting a census form on my windshield, or should I make sure to get counted in the club I'm playing at on the first?
Answer: Good question. Since the club is not a residence, they will not receive a census form. What you need to do is find a home to crash in for that night and have them count you. Make sure that they also mark Question 10 yes and select that "this person sometimes lives somewhere else." This selection covers those with a mobile living arrangement such as a van down by the river.
Follow-up Question: Nice catch on question 10. "Does Person 1 sometimes live or stay". Would this be applicable for the Illinois' governor's mansion as well?
Answer: The Governor's business in none of your business. Now, would you like to be deported?
Jason's Census Tip #8
Question: Census Guy: Q 6 regards a person's sex. Will hermaphrodites be able to sue the Census for lack of representation? Only options are M and F.
Answer: This is a sticky subject for the Census Bureau. The forms says to only check ONE box, male or female. A hermaphrodite would have to check both, but that choice is not available. After much research, it was found that hermaphrodites don't usually sleep well, so they will not actually be counted in the census and will be deported to Gibraltar. See previous Tips for discussion on the issue of sleep and the census.
Jason's Census tip #9
Question: What if there are more than 12 people sleeping at this residence on April 1st?
Answer: Please refer to the Spanish Language form for details.
Jason's Census Tip #10
Question: One more question Census Guy. I just asked my husband if we had received our Census form. He replied in the affirmative and then went on to tell me that he had already sent it in. Will we be prosecuted?
Answer: It depends on what he answered and how you sleep the night of the 1st. Also, try not to get arrested before then. Unless, of course, he answered in a way that anticipated the arrest.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Winnie the Pooh and Addiction too
 Recently, it was announced that, for the first time in over 80 years, there would be a new Winnie the Pooh novel coming out. Apparently it is going to be updated for modern times. Eeyore will battle addiction to anti-depressants. It will expose, for the first time, Tigger's meth habit, and the main story will focus on Pooh's honey "problem."  |
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